We fought of course. Fought about everything from what to watch on T.V to who’d left the top off the fucking toothpaste. Never real fights though, the kind that ended with me walking out or being thrown out. We were getting along well, or at least I thought we were. Giles had lost that air of not really listening and I felt surrounded by attention, with Giles not letting me think about anything other than pleasing him because it paid off so well when I did. Fools paradise really; we both still had obligations and responsibilities and locking ourselves away from them was just painting over the rust.

Then he decided to tell the fucking Scoobies. He had to tell them, I knew that; hard to hide me living there, though he’d come up with some excuses that worked the first few times they’d visited. I just didn’t expect him to do it so soon, less than a week after I’d moved in. He called Xander to tell him to get the others and come around, with me standing beside him, and managed to keep his voice steady as I slid down and started to suck him off – then gave me hell when he came off the phone. I expected him to at least let me finish him off but he glared at me when I tried and told me to get dressed, his voice icy. Lesson One. Don’t try and make Giles moan and beg for more when he’s got Harris on the other end of the line. Well. Couldn’t blame him for that, I suppose. Wouldn’t want that surly git to get the wrong idea.

They all trooped in obediently, giving me the look that said ‘Why is he here?’. Dawn was the only one who smiled, Tara the only one who looked me in the eyes. Giles had made me put my coat and boots on so I guessed I wasn’t going to get to listen to the shrieks of outrage. Pity.

Giles let them sit, ran through a few plans for a patrol rota that had them yawning and then mentioned that I’d moved in for a while.

It didn’t go down well. The obvious question was ‘why?’ and Giles didn’t have a good answer. He tried to make it sound as if I was a lodger, about it being convenient in case I was needed to have me under his eye, somewhere with a phone...Dawn looked puzzled but not very interested, but the others weren’t fooled.

The shock wore off and they started to push him, ganging up on him. Made me sick to listen. I knew what he was capable of, knew what he’d gone through, and these...these fucking children were yammering away at him, making him stammer, making him retreat, making him tell the truth. He couldn’t lie well to them and they knew it. Besides; didn’t take a genius to work it out; one bedroom, I was hardly likely to be in the bloody bath anymore, and if I had been sleeping on the couch that wouldn’t have been half as scandalous so they never even considered it.

Finally Willow nailed Giles with a direct question, one he couldn’t side step, all tight - lipped and flashing eyes, certain I’d done something to her precious Giles. “Where’s he sleeping, Giles?”

He stood up. “Spike? It’s dark now. Please go and get yourself some more blood; you’re running low, I noticed.”

He reached into his pocket but I held up a hand, “I’m fine for cash, thanks.” I hesitated, not wanting to go, not wanting to leave him to face them alone, but his face hardened and he jerked his head at the door. I went. Not far, but I went. Then I doubled back and listened.

“- money? What’s he doing you have to pay him for, Giles? Or don’t you want to tell us?” Xander always brought everything to such a sordid level.

“Probably sex. Vampires make excellent lovers; lots of stamina, no inhibitions –” Anya. I’d have blamed her for Xander’s attitude, but he’d always been like that.

“What? Giles! That’s so gross! Tell them it isn’t true.” Dawn’s voice was high enough to shatter glass.

“It’s a spell; that’s it. Giles, I’m on it. Don’t worry. Xander; go after Spike, tell him not to come back or you’ll stake him. Make it convincing.”

“Why don’t I just do it, Will? Solves all the problems.” And there I thought they were getting to like me. Not like I’d fought by them, saved their lives...oh, wait. Yeah, I fucking had. Bastards. Almost worth the sting to hear Giles lose it though, get back to the Giles I’d been living with the last week.

“You will all be silent. Xander, get back here. Now! Willow, thank you for your concern, however misplaced. I am not under a spell and yes, I know that’s what I’d say if I were.” He took a deep breath. “None of you have commented on the bandage I had on last week.” Course not. It was only Giles, no need to fuss over him. “I was injured at Spike’s crypt – Xander, if you take one step towards that door I will be seriously annoyed with you – and no, he was neither the cause nor did he do anything for which he deserves staking.” Giles breathed in, slow and steady. “I tried to ... that is, I hurt myself last week, put myself in danger –” Heard Niblet gasp. Felt for her then. She’d gone through enough. “Spike stopped me, took care of me –”

“I’ll bet he did.” Mean spirited little rodent. Couldn’t see it – fuck, I’d have paid high – but Giles grabbed Xander and slammed him against a wall by the sounds of it. God, he’d been asking for that. Wanted to go in, but I was getting so hot just listening to him rip into them, I’d probably have jumped him and that wouldn’t have helped.

“Spike is staying with me because I can’t cope without ...some company now that Buffy’s dead. Don’t you see how empty - how lost I feel?”

 ‘Dead’. They didn’t say that much. Scared of the word, scared it’d be true if they said it. She was ‘gone’; she’d ‘left’; all stuff that meant she could come back. Just wasn’t going to happen.

Xander sounded as if he had a hand wrapped around his throat but he managed to croak out, “Company? Spike? You hate him, Giles. You can’t be telling us – what are you telling us?” He wasn’t a kid like Dawn, but either he was hiding from it – he’s good at that – or he wanted to make Giles spell it out just to see him squirm. Bastard.

Giles dropped him; heard the slither and the crash, and sighed. “Dawn, this might be a little embarrassing. Forgive me for speaking bluntly. Spike and I are –”

“Like Willow and Tara?” Heh. Nice one, Bit.

“No!” Red sounded like she’d been stung by a bee, she yelped that loud. “We love each other, we’re a couple. Giles, you hate Spike, you know you do. He’s evil...” She nattered on and I tuned it out. Heard it all before.

Giles lost it again and that told me he still wasn’t anywhere near normal. All the years they’d known him, and I doubted he’d ever let them see this much of him as a person. Grief, anger and toe-curling embarrassment were making him brutally frank.

 “My private life is not, and never has been, your concern. I have never interfered in your choices, however ill advised they might have been -” I wondered who he was looking at when he said that? “and I expect a similar courtesy in return. I’m only telling you because it’s something that’s impossible to keep a secret now I know it’s not going to be temporary.” That made me pause. I’d been on probation? On trial? Didn’t bother me too much; I could see his point. “Spike is here, is with me as my guest – yes Anya, as my lover, I don’t mean to be coy – and I am responsible for his behaviour. If you have a problem with him, you come to me about it. You have a problem with that, save it. I don’t want to know. Now get out. And send Spike in as he’s bound to be listening.” Oops.

They stood up and there was lots of crying and wailing until Tara and Dawn turned on them. Pick of the litter, that pair. Tara told Willow that Giles’ aura was clear of spells but she could see what he’d been going through. Sob, sob, should have noticed. Dawn chirped about me being good company for Giles because we were both old and English. Er, yeah. Right. Going spend hours chatting about cricket scores and the Shipping Forecast. Anya jumped ship and ranted at Willow for suggesting demons didn’t make good partners and Willow abandoned Xander and accused him of being prejudiced. Xander cracked, lip wobbles all around, and did the manly hug thing (I was peeking through the window at this point; thought I might as well get my money’s worth as Giles knew I was there).

Giles was looking pale and they wouldn’t just shut the fuck up and leave him be. Jesus. How did they ever kill anything when they talked this much?

I walked in and told them to fuck off. That got them out the door because they were too freaked by the idea that Giles and I were fucking to face me. Finally. A way to shut them up. Xander grabbed my arm as he went by, last one out, and pulled me outside. “You hurt him, Spike and I’ll kill you.”

“I found him going up against six vampires last week, so drunk he couldn’t see straight; where were you then, Harris?”

He flinched. Glad it bothered him; we had that much in common at least. “Don’t want to see him die any more than you do,” I told him.

“Since when?”

Good point. “Since now.”

“It’s sick and disgusting and you know it’s not the guy thing I mean.”

No, it’s the jealousy, I thought. You might not want his cock, but you want his attention. Tempted to say it aloud, but two things stopped me; Giles wouldn’t like it and that was starting to be important to me; more of a leash than the bloody chip, plus it’d only get Xander trying to convince me I was wrong and that would interfere with him leaving. “Whatever. Just don’t say that to him, Harris. Understand? Man’s gone through enough without you making it worse. ”

Got one last sneer, half hearted though, and he went. Blessed, blissful silence.

I went back in and met Giles’ eyes. Make that, ominous, scary silence. Giles didn’t like me disobeying him by the look of it, but the hell with that; what he’d been saying concerned me too. Looked at him and decided not to point that out. He didn’t seem to be in a reasonable mood.

“Shut the door, please. Lock it too. I think I’ve had enough company for one night.”

I did as he’d asked and then hesitated. “Want me to push off as well? Give you some, uh, space?”

He smiled, looking almost bemused. “Some space? So I can get in touch with my inner child? You’ve been in California too long, Spike.” The smile dropped off. “And no, you’re not going anywhere now.” He stood up and walked to me, pushing up his sleeves. “Didn’t I tell you to leave?”

“I did.”

“We both know you were disobedient, Spike; save the sophistry. Curious? Was that it?”

He was standing just in front of me, close enough that he filled my vision. Hard to lie to him like this. “Little bit. You knew I would be.”

He grinned. “Of course I did.”

I frowned. “Testing me?”

He snorted with amusement. “What would be the point? I knew you’d fail.” He saw me look frustrated and reached out, hooking two fingers into the pocket of my jeans, tugging me towards him. “Tell you what, Spike; tell me why I told you to do something I knew you wouldn’t, and I’ll let you come tonight, even though you don’t deserve to.”

Hmm. Figuring Giles out got harder the more I knew him, but that wasn’t tricky at all. I slid my arms around him and leaned in to kiss him, just under his ear and working my way down his throat. “You wanted an excuse to punish me.”

“Go on.”

He sounded interested and he tilted his head so I could get to his neck. I made him shiver as my mouth marked his skin, making it flush red and fade, like a cloud at sunset. “You like doing it but you want there to be a reason. But you don’t mind cheating.”

“I never mind cheating,” he agreed, putting his hands on me, one sliding behind my neck and holding me still, the other moving down to unzip my jeans. “Do you have a problem with that?”

I glanced down. “Apparently not.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered,” he said, his hands busy. Felt good, but he wasn’t even trying to do more than get me off fast and I was so primed, it wasn’t going to take long and then – oh shit.

“Uh, Giles? When you said I could come, did you mean just the once because that’s going to be in about – oh God.”

He smiled at me just to show he had teeth that could bite. “Oh, I’m sorry, Spike.” He wiped his hand down my shirt. Charming. “I did mean just the once. Should have said something sooner.”

Bastard.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m allowed to cheat. You aren’t. Remember that next time, hmm?”

I remembered it all through the next hour, with Giles taking his time, pushing me back against the pillows, tasting me, exploring me with fingers and tongue, getting me so frantic he ended up cuffing me because I couldn’t hold still any longer. Couldn’t figure out what he was waiting for, why he hadn’t come either.

“Giles?”

He leaned over, grabbed the lube and I felt my control began to slip just thinking about him inside me. “Yes, Spike?”

“Would it help if I said I was sorry?”

He considered that for a moment, slicking himself up first and then sliding his fingers into me fast and hard. I yelped and his lips twitched, the way they did when he was trying not to laugh. “No. You wouldn’t be sincere. The only thing you’re sorry about –” Another finger. Christ, he was killing me. “Is that you didn’t get to watch me hurt Xander.”

“Well...” He leaned in and kissed me, biting my lip hard and then pulled back, waiting. “Fine. Not sorry. And Giles, if I come, I’m telling you now that I can’t help it.”

Cock replaced fingers, one slow thrust in that had me holding my breath, and he let his eyes flick over to the side. I twisted my head and saw what he was looking at. 12.03. “Oh, for fuck’s sake! I could’ve come for the last three minutes because it’s tomorrow now?”

He began to move. “No.” He stopped playing, slammed into me hard and fast, getting a rhythm straight away. “Only when I say, Spike. Only then.”

Still cuffed so I could only beg. “Say it, Giles. Please. Let me come.”

Knew I was close and I panicked. “Giles!”

He paused, reached down and wrapped his hand around me. It was all I needed.

After, when we lay together, he said, “You sounded almost...frightened at the end there. Why?”

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t get it. “You’d told me not to come; didn’t think I could stop myself.”

“You disobeyed me earlier and it didn’t seem to bother you.”

He sounded curious now and I realised he really didn’t get it. “You expected me to stay and listen, remember? Coming before you said ... ”

Couldn’t say it right.

“Would be letting me down?”

Glad it was dark. I felt his arms pull me in close. “Something like that.”

“You’ll have to trust me to know your limits,” he said.

Thought about it. “Does the idea of that scare you as much as it does me?”

He sighed and rolled away from me, taking most of the covers with him. “Good night, Spike.”

“Tell me.”

He didn’t turn back but after a while, just when I thought he’d gone to sleep, he said softly, “What terrifies me is that I’ll expect more than you can give me. I seem to make a habit of that.”

Fuck. “You won’t, Giles.” He didn’t answer and I reached over, put my hand on him. “I trust you, O.K? I fucking trust you.”

“You’re so fucking eloquent, Spike.” Cool, amused voice, as he rolled over and kissed me – but the air tasted of salt and my eyes were dry.



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