We were on our own in the shop, about a week after he’d told them I’d moved in. Been an interesting week, with me finding out more about the way he liked to do things. There were rules but Giles didn’t always spell them out. He didn’t need to. Inside the house, when we were alone, it was him in charge, in charge of me, and that was simple enough. Most of the time. It was getting easier to obey, to be perfect for him, and yet sometimes it built up until all I wanted to do was grab and bend and break everything he said, every request that was really an order, squeeze through every loophole, no matter how small. He let me too, let me wriggle until I was stuck tight and hey, look at that, I was arse up and ready.

Anya was off at the supplier; middle of the day so the girls were at school, college, whatever, and Harris was flexing his manly muscles building things that would probably fall down before the paint had time to peel off. I was feeling bored and Giles was irritable. Never a good combination. I knew what the matter was but I wasn’t sure how to fix it. If we’d been at home I’d have had a dozen ways to solve both problems but here I knew better than to try unless he started it. Off limits, the shop was, at least most of the time. He told me to go and sit in the corner and not to touch anything. Giles didn’t need to touch me to get me hard but he wasn’t using that tone of voice and his eyes were – I couldn’t look at his face for long. Not without wanting to hit something. Which explains why I took it out on a box I thought was empty, kicking it hard and breaking some tacky statuettes of the goddess Xinra. Ten a penny, but Giles lost it when he heard the crash, charging over to me, face tight and sour.

“A new consignment that I’ve been waiting for for weeks and you’ve broken half of them you clumsy idiot!”

Testy. I went for the pout and the upward glance. I looked cute like that. Not like I could practice in front of a mirror but I knew the effect it had usually. Giles glared at me, without showing any signs of it affecting him, and pointed towards the storeroom. “Get in there and get out of my sight.”

He was definitely losing it. Dreaded to think what the night would be like if he kept it up. Fucking nightmare. The storeroom was dark; a jumble of stuff on shelves, a table in the centre of the room. I sighed, perched on the table and waited for Giles to come to his senses. The bell went over the shop door some time later and I heard Giles start the old chit chat, being charming automatically and getting the usual response. The way some of the customers started getting all silly when they heard his voice, you’d think they’d never heard anyone speak English before. Though come to think of it, it was California... Heard some old biddy ask for something obscure and Giles assured her he could put his hand right on it if she just gave him a moment.

I’d been in that room for thirty fucking minutes and I was leaning back against the table, hand down my trousers, entertaining myself quite nicely. Figured if Giles caught me at least he’d snap out of his bloody awful mood and into a temper instead. Do him good.

Had to admit, I wasn’t planning on him having customers when he found me though. He came in, took one look at me and froze, his face indignant and cross. I was still a long way off coming but I closed my eyes and moaned just a little, running my hand slowly up and down my cock so he could get a good view. Heard his breath hiss out and knew he’d never believe I didn’t know he was there, so I opened my eyes and smiled at him, keeping my hand busy.

“Spike. Stop that.”

I let go at once, pushed my jeans down just enough and turned around, leaning over the table. Not subtle, but effective. Couldn’t spread my legs much but I did the best I could and threw in a wiggle as I got settled. I heard him walk up to me, past me, and the clink of bottles as he reached for what the customer wanted. I folded my arms in front of me and rested my chin on them. Watched him ignore me and watched his cock get hard enough that he really wasn’t going to be able to hide it.

“She’s going to think you’re really happy to make a sale if you go out like that,” I said.

I thought he’d keep on ignoring me and really, I hadn’t said anything much, but he snapped. Thank fuck for that. Apathetic misery I just couldn’t handle. Giles was hurting and in my world you cured that by hurting someone else worse, by getting angry. I was the closest target, though his mood was none of my doing, and if Giles wanted to take it out on me, well, if it made him feel better, I didn’t mind. In fact, knowing it was something I could offer him made me feel, oh, useful. Needed. He couldn’t get that from anyone but me and the way I saw it, it was making him feel better as much as fucking me did. Never occurred to me that he’d feel guilty about hurting me later on, when he wasn’t furious anymore.

“And whose fault is that, Spike?” He slammed his hand down beside my face and I winced.

“Mine?” Figured I’d skip to the good part.

“For once in your overly long life, you’re perfectly correct. Well...your fault, you fix it.”

“Quite willing to do just that,” I assured him, turning my head to grin up at him. That grin was hard to keep on my face when I saw his expression, but I held it there, looking like insensitive, annoying Spike who needed to be taught a lesson the best I could.

From the shop I heard the high pitched twittering of a woman who was gagging for her eye of newt. Giles raised his voice and called out something reassuring at just about the same time as he put one hand in the small of my back, pressing me down against the table. He was in me before he’d finished telling her he’d seen them only yesterday, honestly and why didn’t she browse around the scented candles while she waited, in me dry, first time ever, forcing a scream out of me that his other hand swallowed. When he was in me all the way and not moving, the pain stopped clawing at my throat and receded, taking the scream with it. I bit his hand, hard enough for the chip to jitter and spark, and waited.

He leaned over and said, “Still willing?” in a voice I didn’t know and didn’t like at all.

I moved my head and his hand lifted enough that I could speak. “Got nothing better to do, so, yeah.”

We hadn’t talked about it, but Giles knew he could hurt me and have me good as new the next day. There weren’t many humans I’d trust with that power over me and a Watcher should have been the last person to think of a vampire as having feelings, but I trusted Giles not to go too far. No matter how pissed off I made him. It was just something else I could offer him; fucking me might make him smile, but he needed more than hearts and flowers in a mood like this; he needed blood, sweat and screams. I had my own idea about who should be supplying them, but Giles wouldn’t have agreed and if I’d told him straightforwardly to get it all out of his system and thump me, he’d have said ‘no’. Wouldn’t have made me the scapegoat, wouldn’t have hurt me without a reason. Would have just carried on brooding and feeling like shit.

Which was why I gave him a good reason by jerking off in the storeroom and answering him back. Wasn’t being a total fucking doormat or a saint; what we’d had the last couple of weeks was trembling on the edge of crashing to the floor in a thousand pieces. If I could shove it back on the shelf, safe and sound, at the cost of a few bruises and a sore arse, it was worth it. I liked being with Giles. Suited me – and even if it didn’t, even if he’d changed his mind, it was going to be something we decided between ourselves, not forced on us by Xander fucking Harris.

So I gave Giles a mouthful and felt his restraint snap like a twisted neck. He put his hands on my hips, jerking them back so that my cock wasn’t touching anything. I knew why he was doing it but I was glad; table was full of splinters. He was breathing hard, slamming into me, hurting me and not seeming to care. I said his name, trying to be quiet, and got a hand slapped across my mouth again. I started to struggle, wondering if he’d stop, starting to wish he would, and felt his fingernails bite deeply into my side and my face.

The woman called out again, getting impatient, her voice a querulous whine that made my teeth ache. Or maybe that was the clenching them hard enough to splinter enamel. Was not going to beg Giles to stop. Wasn’t.

Until I did, a frantic whimper that barely made it out of my mouth and past his hand. That was all it took to bring him back.

He was deep in me, hard and nowhere near coming. Wondered afterwards if he would have. Not really what he got off on; straightforward violence and pain as a way of control. He’d hurt me plenty of times with that fucking crop, but never more than I wanted him to, and there was no contempt, no hatred behind it. Not for me, not for himself. I was being trained, disciplined and used; never felt like I was being abused. Maybe being a vampire made me see it differently but I didn’t really give a fuck about that. I was fine with it and so was Giles. But he’d never got a sound like that out of me before, and it stopped him dead.

He went very still then I felt his hands drop away from me and he stepped back, pulling out of me. I turned and watched him fasten his trousers, tucking his shirt in without looking at me. He grabbed the jar, went out there, served her and then locked the door. Anya was going to give him hell about closing the shop early if she came back.

I waited until I was sure he wasn’t going to come to me and then eased off the table. I didn’t bother with the zipper, just pulled my jeans up and went after him. He was in the loft, sitting in the chair he put there, surrounded by the scary books.

“No, Spike. Not now.”

I wasn’t expecting an apology. Just as well really.

“This is stupid, Giles. What they think doesn’t matter. They’re fucking stupid if –”

His fist was moving before I finished speaking. Felt my lip crack open and took three punches before he broke and fell to his knees, with me going after him and grabbing him. When I held him, he didn’t push me away. I’d have let him break bones if it got us to that point. I wasn’t complaining.

“I can’t – can’t do this, Spike.” He sounded lost, just like he had that night in my crypt when we’d started this.

“You’ve got to, Giles.” I stopped, hating myself and then said what needed to be said. “You going to break this promise too?”

His head jerked up. No tears, eyes glazed with self reproach. “Please, Spike...”

Not expecting this but I wasn’t going to crack, even though hearing him like that, imploring, pleading, was enough to make me shake with the wrongness.

I bent my head and kissed him, soft as I could, working at it until I felt the tension go, felt him relax against me. My hand went to his cock, hidden behind too many clothes, and I fumbled with the zip, got it out, started to stroke it hard. Didn’t take long, and he was moaning as he kissed me, lying across my legs, his hands grabbing onto me as his hips jerked.

“In me, Giles. You’re going to come in me...”

He shook his head but I wasn’t going to let what had just happened spoil anything for us and I wasn’t going to take him, though he’d have let me, I was sure of it. I pushed him back, my mouth on his again, swallowing his protests and reaching back to hold his cock. Slipped it inside me, welcoming the burning rasp, and I felt the change as soon as I was around him. He held me, began to move, began to make me move, taking us both somewhere we didn’t need to talk. After a while he put me beneath him and finished like that, his head against my neck, his eyes leaking tears.

If I could have, I’d have hurt Xander. Not killed him. Just hurt him, the way he’d hurt Giles the night before.

It had been a week since he told them about us and they’d done nothing, said nothing. Thought they’d accepted it. Giles knew them better than I did and he didn’t seem concerned, so I relaxed. Should have known payback was coming.

Giles had been invited around to Xander and Anya’s place; special dinner, six month anniversary of swapping spit or something. I could have cared less if I’d missed it, but I tagged along, both of us thinking he meant me too. Harris had mentioned it when I was there, said they wanted the whole gang over...I was even carrying the fucking gift. Never occurred to me that toleration only went so far and with Harris it wouldn’t stretch to cover the head of a fucking pin.

Wouldn’t let me in. Looked at Giles who’d already stepped over the threshold, smiled at me. Cold eyes, spark of cruelty in them. Said something about standards. Giles’ face...shock, hurt...then Harris pushed it that little bit too far. Giles would probably have bought the whole not inviting me in, who knew when I’d turn, can’t risk the woman I love, bit. Why not? Ignoring it cost him that teacher Angelus killed, after all, but then Harris had to get smart, had to mouth off, with all of them clustered behind him, faces horrified or stunned.

“You can manage without him for a few hours can’t you, Giles? He can wait in the alley outside; might be able to earn a bit of pocket money so he can buy his own blood. Out of interest, what do you charge a trick, Spike?”

Dawn gasped, her eyes all wide and Giles cracked. Pushed past me and went.

I wanted to kill Harris. Really wanted to. I could imagine it and the smell of his spilled blood was so thick in the air my mouth watered. Then I heard Giles throwing up outside and I held out the present, let it drop just as his hand reached out for it automatically – crystal glasses, set of four, Giles always did have good taste - and grabbed his hand to tug him to me, so he was outside his threshold.  Such a careless boy. Oldest trick in the book that one.  Couldn’t hurt him and didn’t want to take the time for an argument, not with Giles throwing up yesterday’s breakfast by the sound of it. So I ran my hand down his cheek and kissed it gently before pushing him away like the trash he was.

“Night, Judas.”

Lost on him, but I hoped he spent the night scrubbing his face raw before crawling in next to his pet demon.

Got Giles home, put him to bed, lay by him as he stared silently at the ceiling, got his back when I tried to hold him, got nothing but empty, averted eyes in the morning and an endless, nervous babble from Anya at the shop that mercifully ended when she left on her errand.

I stopped thinking about the night before and concentrated on the present. We were all tangled up and Giles still hadn’t said anything. I eased him off me and he rolled onto his back, eyes open and blank.

“Giles?”

He whispered it but he might as well have screamed. “What have I done? To you, to them...”

“What you had to. Don’t worry about me; I pushed you into that; thought it’d make you feel better.”

He looked at me, incredulity shouldering away shock. “You thought that making me lose control until I had sex while there were customers in the shop –”

“Only one and I don’t think she noticed.”

“ – and brutalising you when you’d done nothing to deserve that level of –”

“I’m a vampire, not a bloody china doll.”

“Spike, will you shut up? I – this isn’t working. I can’t – you saw how they were last night. You didn’t deserve that and they don’t deserve –”

“Fuck them! What about you? You don’t get to do what you want, while they’re off shacking up with vengeance demons and getting into scary witch stuff? Did either of them ask you about that first? Willow and Xander ... what are they anyway? Your fucking parents?”

“They’re family.”

“And what am I?”

He just stared at me. Buggered if I knew, either.



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