"It's so… big." Jim can tell that Blair's trying to understand the fear
behind his stammered, sparse words, but empathy can only go so far when
a phobia isn't shared.
"Seventy percent of the earth's surface," Blair says helpfully. "You
live on a watery planet, Jim."
"I can take it in small doses," he growls. Blair's probably regretting
bringing the subject up now. Good. "Rivers. Lakes. Just not when that's
all there is. When I can turn around and see nothing but water to the
horizon in every direction. When it's under me, going down
miles." He shudders. "Guess I'm not as cured as we
thought, Chief."
Blair throws a stone into the waves lapping against the shore. It
catches the light of the setting sun and glints once before striking
the surface with a 'schloop' sound and sinking.
"Did you hear that?" Jim asks. It had been such an oddly satisfying
sound that it's restored his good humor; he wants someone to share it
with. He gets tired of symphonies played only for his ears.
Blair nods and mimics it, grinning, his face twisted comically as he
draws the word out. Jim wants to kiss him, taste the salt on his lips,
feel the roughness the ocean winds have scoured into the softness. They
don't do that, though. Kiss in public. Not even here, where a passing
gull is the only witness. Jim's not sure whose rule it is, but he wants
to break it.
"But this is good?" Blair says after a moment, his forehead wrinkled
slightly with concern. He gestures to the ocean, with its burnished,
sun-bronzed waves rolling in. "This doesn't bother you?"
They've surfed, Blair's compact, agile body learning quickly, but his
enthusiasm dimming after swallowing a gallon of brine. There will be
bruises on him later from the board and he'll be stiff tomorrow, head
to toe. Jim's looking forward to working Blair's body pliant again, his
hands oil-slicked, welcome and welcomed on Blair's skin. Surfed,
walked, eaten gritty food, drunk warm beer…Jim's skin is tingling with
mild sunburn and drying salt and his head aches from squinting against
the diamond-dazzle of light on water.
He rolls onto his stomach, his back to the water, and smiles up at
Blair, whose hair is stringy, sticky, and dark with water from a final
swim. Blair will wash it later and Jim will comb it for him, untangle
each strand, draw them through his fingers and watch them cling to his
skin.
"This is good," he assures Blair, and pulls Blair's hand, tugging him
down until Blair's close enough to kiss, a salt-sweet, sand-dry kiss,
no more than a brush of their mouths.
Blair pats Jim's face after the kiss in a silent thank you, then spoils
the moment by chirping, "The human body is about two-thirds water; did
you know that, Jim?"
Jim sighs. "Remind me never to tell you about my phobias again."
"It's good to face them," Blair says, lecture mode engaged, his
expression earnest. "Deal with them. Experience them. Most of fear is
based on ignorance."
"Fine," Jim says and flicks a fine, dry scatter of sand at Blair. "I'm
terrified of burgers. Let's go and get to know one intimately and I'll
try not to freak out in the drive-thru line."
"Jim…"
"And sex," Jim continues remorselessly, enjoying himself now. "I'm
terrified of blow jobs, too, I just never felt comfortable telling you
that before. I think you're going to need to show me just how wrong I
am, Chief. Tonight would be good. After the burger."
Blair purses his mouth up, aggravated and amused in equal parts from
what Jim can tell. "How about you blow me after the stir fry I plan to
cook, and I use chicken not tofu, and don't make you help with the
dishes?"
Jim starts to pack up and doesn't bother hiding his grin. "Done."
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