He thinks anyone would know that Sandburg was having a nightmare
without Sentinel senses when he first wakes and hears the sounds
drifting up the stairs, but halfway down them, yawning and chasing the
taste of sleep out of his dry mouth with his tongue, he realises that
the kid's being pretty quiet about it. He's not yelling out; he's just
making these soft, distressed little whimpers, and he's not thrashing
the covers into a tangle around his body, he's just… Jim concentrates
and listens to the drag of cotton over damp skin, small susurrations as
if Sandburg's legs are moving in slow twitches.
When he gets inside the bedroom, the sounds upgrade to a murmured
jumble of 'no' and his name, sounding odd coming from a sleeping mouth,
and Sandburg, curled up on his side, is jerking his legs in barely
perceptible, scaled-down movements that, if he was awake and vertical,
would be running full-tilt.
Oh.
It's a classic nightmare scenario; running through endless, empty
corridors, a monster breathing hot, sour breath on the back of your
neck, pure malice and evil on your heels, and the worst of it is,
whatever's going on inside the kid's head can't be worse than what
actually happened earlier.
Jim can still feel the desperate clutch of Sandburg's hands when they'd
collided in the corridor of the prison, still hear the hurried thump of
a stressed-out heartbeat.
Chapel had freaked him out. Jim can understand that; the man's got a
skewed kind of crazy shining in his eyes and blood on his hands, both
old and fresh.
Hands he'd put on Sandburg. Jim focuses as Sandburg rolls to his back,
still sleeping; brings the faint smudges on Sandburg's neck into sharp
relief, until the marks left by Chapel's squeezing fingers are all he
can see, filling his vision.
He kneels beside the low bed and blots out the line of view to the
bruises with his hand, letting it hover an inch away from touching
skin, wanting to wipe the taint away, and knowing he can't. Sandburg
moans, and the thin skin of his eyelids crinkles as if he's trying to
close eyes that are already shut.
Jim should wake him, save him. Should do it now… but he's caught up in
looking at the familiar face, shadowed, unsmiling, a mask cracking now
and then as fear breaks through to the surface. Sandburg doesn't look
that sad and still often; his smile's always ready to burst out, sun
and clouds kind of deal, and he's a bouncing, energetic, frenetic buzz
in Jim's ear most of the time.
He doesn't know why he's staring, rationing breaths taken to slow,
shallow sips to keep Sandburg from waking. He doesn't
like seeing Sandburg like this; hates the marks left
on him with a possessive, protective loathing.
Serve and Protect.
His job to do that, not Sandburg's, and it'd been his recommendation
that had put the kid at risk.
It's just…he's close to the kid, really close, and he can look as much
as he wants without having to meet the puzzled question in the clear
eyes -- and that's wearing off recently, leaving a dawning awareness,
he's sure of it -- and how often does that happen? Jim tells himself
he'll wake Sandburg soon, he will… and then his name is whispered
again, panicked and pleading.
Some things aren't worth the price.
His hand moves to a shoulder and shakes Sandburg free of the dream; his
mouth says something casually reassuring when Sandburg blinks up at
him, shudders, and starts to describe his nightmare in an incoherent,
fast flood of words and then falls asleep again halfway through, his
breathing regular and easy.
Jim peels Sandburg's hand off him, pats it gently, and goes back to
bed, even though something tells him Sandburg wouldn't mind him staying
within reach just this once. Call it penance for his hesitation; call
it practicality because he needs to sleep. Which he wouldn't do curled
up on the floor listening to Sandburg breathing.
And the next night, with Chapel locked away again, key lost if there's
any justice in the world, Jim lies stretched on the couch in the
shot-up ruins of his apartment, stares down the length of his body at
the doors of Sandburg's bedroom and tries to be glad the man asleep in
there is snoring happily and doesn't need him.
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