The Marauding Minnow, with its patented, revolutionary,
lifelike and realistic scales, is the lure fishermen have been waiting
for. See how it sparkles even in the murkiest waters, each faceted
scale gleaming in a way that perfectly mimics the fish's favorite food.
Hear the enticing rattle of the hidden bead chamber as the eddies of
the water produce a sound the fish will come running--sorry, swimming!
Ha ha--to investigate.
Tests show that fishermen using the Marauding Minnow report record
catches, and you could be one of them. For a short time
only--quantities are limited, folks--you can purchase the Marauding
Minnow for the incredible amount of $19.99, just by calling the
number--"
"Hey!" Jim jerked as if he'd been shot as the TV screen went black, and
turned his head to glare at Blair, who was clutching the remote to his
chest. "Turn that back on!"
"Yeah," Simon said, his eyes still fixed on the screen, his voice an
ominous rumble. "Right now, Sandburg."
"I'm saving you from yourselves," Blair said and danced back a step as
Jim twisted around and lunged at him over the back of the couch. "Not
going to let you have it, Jim. Those things are a waste of money."
"When did you two get married?" Simon inquired. "Because you're
sounding a lot like Joan."
Blair pulled a face. "Very funny, Simon. Come on, man; you know
yourself that crap you buy off TV is just that; over-priced, doomed to
fail, mass-produced crap."
"Not the Marauder," Jim muttered as he stalked over to the TV and
turned it on. The commercial was over and a woman, blonde hair
gleaming, was demonstrating a candle-making kit. Jim smacked the top of
the TV as if he wished it was Blair's head, gave Blair a fulminating
glare, and went to get another beer for himself and Simon, pointedly
not asking Blair if he wanted one.
Blair gave a martyred sigh and retreated to his room. He couldn't take
much more of this. Three more days to Jim's birthday and that damn
commercial just kept on popping up… Maybe he could break the TV? No,
too drastic…and there was a Jags game on later; Jim could only be
pushed so far.
The neatly wrapped (gift wrap included for free for those customers who
choose the deluxe option with BONUS set of hooks and a complimentary
carrying case for the Marauding Minnow!) parcel was hidden in a box of
scented candles to, quite literally, throw Jim off the scent, as the
Marauding Minnow, in addition to its rattle chamber, flashing scales,
and unique twisting action in the water, also reeked of something
guaranteed to bring the fish in shoals to hurl themselves at it.
Blair pursed his lips and stared yearningly at the box. That rattle
chamber…those scales! The more he watched the commercial, the more he
felt that what Jim really wanted for his birthday was more white socks.
They were advertising them, too, on the shopping channel. Soft, and yet
durable, with a patented odor-eating insole, and a unique ribbing
pattern that gently massaged the calf--
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