Xander got back home and collapsed in his chair. He was still trying to come to terms with what had happened. This place...he was getting sick and tired of his emotions being twisted by magic until he felt that he couldn’t trust anything. He glanced down. Not even that.

Squirming around, he reached under the chair and took out an illustrated calendar, running a finger over the glossy, pouting lips, the shiny hair and impossibly perfect bodies. He’d used this calendar to get off the night before, letting the images guide his fingers, people his fantasies, spark his orgasm. The pictures had fallen short of what he knew the reality to be, but it didn’t matter. He had so many memories that he didn’t even need the photographs really. He could just close his eyes and remember...

He bit down on his lip. All a lie. The calendar was still there but the photographs weren’t the same; changed back to what they had been before the spell. Jonathan wasn’t ...he wasn’t Jonathan anymore. He was just that short kid from school who’d always been around but whom no one ever noticed.

Xander threw the calendar across the room in a flying flutter of pages, aiming for the trash and missing by a foot. He could feel the memories beginning to fade and he knew somehow that by tomorrow he’d be rescuing the calendar and putting it back with the rest of the porn.

He didn’t have much time. Not even bothering to take them off, Xander shoved down jeans and briefs just enough to be able to reach his cock. As his fingers touched it, he let the fantasies come out to play one last time...dark eyes, a confident smile, the utter trust Jonathan had that he, Xander, could be useful, could succeed...Jonathan fighting, spinning around, sword in hand...singing, crooning a song with every note sending shivers down his spine...the hugs, the approving smile and the...way Anya kissed him as her hands moved over him, her perfume doing everything the commercial promised and more...

He came, shuddering and satisfied...and wondered why his eyes were stinging with unshed tears.



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