Anguish (it had to hurt though they never screamed). Betrayal (no guilt, none. It was her job). Bewilderment (a child slapped for laughing - that heartbreaking, that uncomprehending). Anger - no, start again.

Eyes closed, Buffy began to list the emotions she’d seen in Spike’s face as he came through the doorway, caught her off balance as she swung towards him after staking Drusilla, and hesitated, torn and caught, unwilling to kill her.

Slayers can’t hesitate - and she didn’t know she loved him then.

Anger, anguish, betrayal, bewilderment - forgiveness and peace.

She made up the last two. Eventually she believed the lie.


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