Set in S4, when Spike was in Xander's basement.
“Does this make it feel better?”
“No.”
“How about this?”
“Not really.”
“Huh. It usually does.”
“I know.”
“Maybe if I -?”
“Oh. Yeah, thatâs...I think thatâs helping.”
“It is? Good...”
“Maybe if you...”
“Yes?”
“Did it a little faster?”
“âFasterâ? I can speed up, no problem.”
“You can? Oh...you can! Thatâs fucking amazing! Donât stop, donât - why
did you stop?”
Xander sat back and glared at Spike. “Iâm going to call Giles.”
“Giles? I donât think heâs into it, pet. Never saw him doing it the
whole time I was staying with him.”
“To ask him,” Xander said, each word enunciated with painstaking
precision and clarity, “If vampires even get headaches. If they do, I
will then ask him if the treatment involves -”
“Oh, donât bother. I lied.” Spike grinned up at him.
“Why?” Xander asked, his voice filled with disillusioned disbelief as
he tossed the remote aside, his finger quivering after stabbing the
channel button repeatedly.
The grin turned into a snarl. “Because you never change the channels
fast enough! Vampire, remember? Fast reflexes and all? You flip like a
girl.”
Xander choked with outrage. “Right. Thatâs it. No TV for you for the
rest of the night.”
“That means you donât get to watch it either,” Spike pointed out.
“I can work something out,” Xander replied...
***
“Enjoying the show, Spike?”
“I canât bloody well see it, can I?”
“No, from that angle, it might be a bit difficult,” Xander said,
flicking a glance at the chair Spike was tied to, positioned carefully
so that if he craned his neck he could just catch a flicker of colour.
“But you can hear it; thatâs something, right? Iâm not totally cruel
and heartless.”
The music swelled and the voices of the Bollywood stars grew frantic
with excitement.
“Ooh, this is a good bit!” Xander said brightly.
“You could read out the subtitles,” Spike said, without much hope.
“Donât speak Hindi, see?”
“You know, I was sort of counting on that. Never mind, itâs nearly
over. Letâs see...Iâve got a porn video somewhere; you understand,
‘give it to me harder, big boyâ donât you?”
“Youâre going to make me listen to a porn film?” Spike asked
incredulously. “Did you lose your soul when I wasnât looking?”
Xander smiled and stood up. Revenge was sweet but caramel popcorn?
Sweeter still.
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